theworstthingsforsale:

I live in a part of the country where it snows three or four months out of the year, so it’s not like I don’t need to clear my driveway and sidewalk. But a flamethrower seems kind of like overkill. Sure, you can say “This flamethrower is for SNOW ONLY and don’t burn other stuff with it,” but a man can only own a flamethrower for so long before he starts itching to throw flames.

You’re sitting on your porch in May and you see a million squirrels in your yard, and you think about your flamethrower you’re not going to be able to use until December, and you say “Just this once.” Next thing you know, you’re blasting the mailbox with hellfire and screaming at your wife IT WAS JUST JUNK MAIL, DON’T FIGHT WITH ME OUT IN THE YARD!!!